Each New Year, I like to take some time to reflect on the past year. I am learning how important it is to pause, reflect, and listen to the Holy Spirit’s prompting in my life, and taking time to reflect around the New Year seems like an built-in opportunity to do so.

We had a very full–but wonderful–time with both Jared’s and my family the past couple of weeks. We visited Jared’s parents for Christmas and then came home for several days while I had a mole removed and my MRI for my cancer check-up. Then we left after my MRI to visit my family and grandparents for the weekend. We so enjoyed celebrating with both of our families, and wrapped up the holiday feeling very grateful for all God has given us.

However, with so much activity, I did not have an opportunity to still my heart and reflect on 2011. So last night as we drove back to Chicago, Jared and I asked each other the following reflection questions about 2011. It was so nice to pause, reflect, and learn from 2011 as we embrace 2012.

Reflection Questions of 2011

(The twenty questions were originally posted on the Simple Mom blog, though I found them on my friend Katie’s blog. Jared and I chose to ask each other just the ones below.)

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

5. What were the best books you read this year?

6. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

7. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?

8. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?

9. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?

10. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?

11. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

12. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

13. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?

And then a question we added:

14. With those answers in mind, what shifts are we going to make, with God’s help, in our lives in 2012?

I plan to spend some time journaling these thoughts in more detail this week because I want to make sure I give adequate time to reflecting on the past year to bookmark the lessons God taught me. I encourage you to do the same.

Here’s to a year ahead where we grow deeper in intimacy in our relationships with God, no matter what may come.

***

I wanted to thank you so much for your prayers for my MRI last Thursday. I brought the CD that I referenced in my previous blog entry and I had the most peaceful experience I’ve had yet when it comes to laying inside a skinny tube without moving for over an hour! I definitely credit that to God acting upon your prayers. I received an email from the nurse practitioner the following day telling me that the MRI results looked good. I don’t think those words will ever get old! What a relief to my heart to hear all looked clear. I have an appointment to meet with my oncologist on Thursday to discuss the details and will look forward to moving forward in 2012. Thank you again for journeying with me.

Just a quick note to ask for your prayers for me during my routine MRI scan tomorrow (Thursday). I am praying for no sign of cancer anywhere in my body and that God would continue to prepare my body to become pregnant in His timing and His way. Thank you for your encouragement during this journey!

On the way home from visiting Jared’s parents’ for Christmas, Jared and I listened to the newest Passion CD, Here For You. I especially liked the song “Lord, I Need You.” Since I get to listen to music while laying inside the claustrophobic tube tomorrow, I am going to request this song over and over so I can be reminded of some good truth!

Lord, I Need You
by Chris Tomlin

Lord I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You’re the one that guides my heart

Chorus:
Lord, I need You, oh I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness

Oh God, how I need You
Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Yes where You are Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Bridge:
So teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I’ll fall on You
Jesus You’re my hope and stay
And when I cannot stand I’ll fall on You
Jesus You’re my hope and stay

Have you noticed that oftentimes you have a default response when you’re in a certain situation? It occurred to me this weekend that I do. And it’s not healthy.

As I was lying in bed a few nights ago, I stared at the ceiling, tossing and turning and hoping to fall back asleep. But try as I might, my mind would not stop racing. I prayed for God to help me discern the reason for my restlessness.

I didn’t have to look too far for the culprit; my next cancer check-up is at the end of December, just ten days away. This past week I had to make several phone calls to confirm the routine MRI and I could feel the all-too-familiar set of butterflies making their descent upon my stomach. The fears slowly inched their way back into my mind, setting up camp. What if they find a suspicious spot on the scan? What if…? What if…? What if…?

As I thought about my check-up, I realized that I have a destructive default response (in my flesh) when it comes to preparing for my upcoming check-ups: I obsess. I turn into a hypochondriac and I start “seeing ghosts,” as they say. If my hip hurts, I start fearing that I have cancer in my bones. If I have a headache, I assume I have an aneurysm that will burst any second. It’s as if I am subconsciously hunting for maladies. And let me just tell you, it produces something well short of a peaceful mind and joyful spirit.

I’ve thought about my default response enough to realize that part of the reason I do this goes back to that sneaky little word: control. You see, when I found out my tumor was cancerous, it wasn’t the most conventional way. Recall I was initially told by a nurse that the cancer was contained in my tumor that was removed. However, ten days later, my oncologist called to say there was a mistake and I would need to go through chemo. So I think in some odd way, my mind thinks that if I can figure out if I have an ailment ahead of time, then I can control it and not be shocked by the news.

Prior to my fearful thoughts descending upon me this past week, I had been really encouraged over the last few months that I haven’t had as many obsessive fears about my ailments. God has been teaching me a lot about trusting Him for my future and relaxing in my every day life. In the midst of such growth, I was disappointed to see my default response rear its ugly head. Oh, it’s you again.

Thankfully, Jared and I have been having some deep discussions as of late about various growth areas in our lives. We have particularly enjoyed listening to James MacDonald’s sermon series on how to change entitled “Lord, Change Me.” One insight he shared has been reverberating in my mind. He said that an evidence of growth in your life is not that you never slip up again but that when you do, your time in the pit isn’t as extensive or as lengthy. That thought has encouraged me that though I slipped back into my default response with respect to my upcoming MRI, I caught myself much earlier than I have before.

Maybe you can relate. Your default response probably is different than mine, but most likely you have been in a situation where you’ve thought to yourself, Why do I keep responding this way every time?

So what do we do when we realize that we are in default response mode? After reflecting and praying, below are seven action steps that came to mind.

1. Ask God for discernment about what triggers our default response. For instance, for me, I am realizing that every check-up brings to the surface all of my fears. I am learning to anticipate this flood of emotions instead of being knocked off my feet.

2. Reflect on what our default response says about our view of God. I’ve mentioned before that one of my favorite books on prayer is called The Papa Prayer by Larry Crabb. In the book he gives an acronym for prayer and the first “A” stands for “Attend to how you’re thinking about God.” Each night before I am falling asleep, I try to pray through this acronym. I admit I get a bit stuck when I get to this “A” because it requires me to pause and truly reflect on how I am viewing God in my current situation. This prayer book as well as Beth Moore’s Believing God study that I am currently doing is helping me learn to trust God for who He really is (powerful, omnipotent, unchanging…) instead of who I misperceive Him to be (uninterested, passive, domineering…).

3. Ask God for discernment about why we respond the way we do. I have been asking God to help me get to the root of my default response because if I just try to modify my behavior and never deal with the cause, this default response will persist. If I am honest with myself, I realize that the reason I respond the way I do is because I am fearful that the cancer will return. And if the cancer returns, I most likely will not be able to have my own biological children. These are very real fears and when I look at the root instead of the surface of my default response, I can invite God into those fears and work through the emotion.

4. Invite God into our fears. When we realize why we respond the way we do, I am learning how crucial it is to ask God to meet me in these fears. For me, the way this usually looks is I pour out my heart to God about my fear. For example, I probably imagined I had six different ailments this week. As each one came, my heart skipped a beat and I thought, Oh no, maybe this ache is really the worst case scenario I dread. On a good day when I am staying connected to God, I can examine that silly fear and ask God for strength to fight off the urge to take that fear for a spin down a very slippery slope. On a bad day when I am feeling bombarded by flaming arrows covered in fears, sometimes the only thing I can do is say, “Jesus, please help me. I invite you into this discouragement and need help finding truth.” Some days I just say that over and over again.

5. Replace our destructive thoughts with God’s truth. Yesterday during an anxious moment, I actually told myself, “Obsessing over this ailment isn’t going to help anything and it’s just making you crazier.” And then instead I quoted one of my favorite verses to myself: “He will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because He trusts in You” (Isaiah 26:3). As I’ve written before, Beth Moore has taught me that we must do more than just refuse to think that toxic thought anymore; we must replace that thought with truth. I am trying to catch my fearful thoughts before they burrow in and instead replace them with an encouraging song or Scripture verse.

6. Give God the control over our situation. I know, it’s so much easier said than done. As I mentioned above, when I am able to find the root cause of my default response, I then am able to see what the real issue is. And from there, I must analyze who I want to be in control of the situation. Do I want to stay in control? If so, that means every time an ache arises, I will do the same default response dance and try to control my fears. How exhausting. Instead, I want God to take control of the situation. I am learning to surrender my will to His and trust Him to take care of my hopes and dreams in His way. When I focus on Him in all of His glory, I am able to take a step back from my fearful situation and realize that no matter the outcome, God is fully in control. And that brings a deep calm to my soul.

7. Ask the Holy Spirit to equip us to respond well next time. As I explained above, my default response when left to myself is to obsess. But when I ask the Holy Spirit to flood my mind and heart with His Spirit, He can help me respond in a more God-honoring way. And He can equip you too.

As I was formulating these thoughts in my mind for this blog post, Jared and I listened to James MacDonald’s Christmas sermon this weekend. (Which, by the way, was by far one of the best Christmas sermons I have ever heard. I encourage you to listen to it while wrapping presents this week!) He preached from Luke 1, the passage where Mary discovers she is pregnant. He centered in on her response, and thank goodness for us, it was not a destructive default response. But it was a Spirit-filled, eyes-on-the-Lord response.

I love Mary’s words in verse 46, “My soul magnifies the Lord.” James gave the example that a magnifying glass makes things larger, nearer, and more powerful and that was her response to her circumstance—viewing God for who He is: large, near, and powerful.  James encouraged us to “Let God become larger and our problems smaller by magnifying the Lord. God is most magnified in us when we do what would be impossible to do without Him.”

I thought focusing on Mary’s response was the perfect way to wrap up my blog post about our own default responses. James pointed out that Mary must have felt confusion and fear but as she worked through her emotions, she camped out who God was and chose to magnify Him in her situation. This Christmas as we reflect on Mary’s response, may we learn from her example as well.

***

As I was writing this, I couldn’t get Chris Tomlin’s song, “My Soul Magnifies the Lord,” from his Christmas CD out of my head. Here are the lyrics:

My Soul Magnifies the Lord

Good news of great joy
For every woman, every man
This will be a sign to you
A baby born in Bethlehem

Come and worship
Do not be afraid

A company of angels
Glory in the highest
And on the earth peace among
Those of whom His favor rests

Oh, come and worship
Do not be afraid, no, no

My soul, my soul magnifies the Lord
My soul magnifies the Lord
He has done great things for me
Great things for me

Unto you a child is born
Unto us a Son is given
Let every heart prepare His throne
And every nation under Heaven

Come and worship
Do not be afraid, no, no

My soul, my soul magnifies the Lord
My soul magnifies the Lord
He has done great things for me
Great things for me

My soul, my soul magnifies the Lord
My soul magnifies the Lord
He has done great things for me
Great things for me

Of His government there will be no end
He’ll establish it with His righteousness
And He shall reign on David’s throne
And His name shall be from this day on

Wonderful, Counselor, Everlasting Father
Wonderful, Counselor
His name shall be Everlasting Father

My soul, my soul magnifies the Lord
My soul, my soul magnifies the Lord

He has done great things for us
He has done great things for us
He has done great things for us
He has done great things for us

I am LOVING this song. It is such a good one to get stuck in your head!

“Guide me in Your truth and teach me, for you my are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.” Psalm 25:5

My Hope Is In You by Aaron Shust

I meet with You and my soul sings out
As Your word throws doubt far away
I sing to You and my heart cries Holy!
Hallelujah, Father, You’re near!

(Chorus)
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won’t be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing
My hope is in You, Lord

I wait for You and my soul finds rest
In my selfishness, You show me grace
I worship You and my heart cries Glory
Hallelujah, Father You’re here!

Chorus

I will wait on You
You are my refuge
I will wait on You
You are my refuge

I will wait on You
You are my refuge
I will wait on You
You are my refuge

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won’t be shaken by drought or storm
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won’t be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing
My hope is in You, Lord

I am always looking for healthy, holiday appetizers and dishes to serve when I have company over. I thought I would share a few of my favorites this season. I would love to hear what your favorite healthy holiday treats are. Please share!

Stuffed Mushrooms (recipe adapted from Whole Foods)

Ingredients:

2 tablespoons Extra Virgin Olive Oil, divided
2 (8-oz) packages button or baby bella mushrooms, stems removed and finely chopped, caps left intact
1 small yellow onion, chopped
Salt and ground black pepper to taste
1 (1-pound) pkg frozen spinach, thawed and squeezed of excess water  (I used fresh spinach instead.)
6 ounces Feta cheese, crumbled (I used goat cheese because I like it better!)

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350°F. Heat 1 tablespoon of oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add mushroom stems, onions, salt and pepper and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, 8 to 10 minutes. Transfer to a large bowl along with spinach, toss well; set aside to cool.

Arrange mushroom caps in a single layer on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet. Add cheese, salt and pepper to spinach mixture then divide filling evenly between mushrooms, mounding it in the center of each. Drizzle mushrooms with remaining 1 tablespoon oil and bake until softened and juicy, about 20 minutes.

*Tip: I read somewhere that before baking, poke a little hole in the mushroom to drain excess liquid. I wish I would have done this because when you bite into the mushroom, it does exude juices!

Pomegranate Cucumbers (recipe adapted from a recipe found on Pinterest)

Ingredients:

1 large cucumber
1 carton of pomegranate seeds (I bought mine at Costco.)
6 ounces of goat cheese
fresh herbs (I used basil and parsley), diced

Directions:

Cut cucumbers into slices. Fold herbs into the cheese until well mixed. Place a dollop of the cheese and herbs mixture on each cucumber. Add a small basil leaf on top of each cucumber. Add around four pomegranate seeds per cucumber. Serve and enjoy!

Quinoa Stuffed Acorn Squash (adapted from Rachael Ray)
This is one of my favorite recipes. I even made it for my family at Thanksgiving.

Ingredients:

2 acorn squash (I actually use butternut squash and at Thanksgiving I used the pre-cut butternut squash from Costco that made it very easy and still yummy!)
Salt and pepper
1/2 cup quinoa
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 onion, finely chopped
3/4 pound organic ground beef (You can use chicken too.)
1/2 cup chopped walnuts, toasted
1/4 cup dried cranberries

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 400°. Cut the squash in half crosswise and scoop out the pulp and seeds. Trim the ends so each half will stand upright. Place both halves in a baking pan, flesh side up, and pour hot water into the pan to reach about halfway up the squash. (Rachael Ray suggests adding 1/2 tablespoon butter to the center of each squash but I never do.) Season with salt and pepper. Loosely cover the pan with foil. Bake the squash until tender when pierced with a fork, 45 minutes to 1 hour.

Prepare the quinoa according to the package directions and set aside. Heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the onion and cook, stirring, until softened, about 4 minutes. Push the onion aside, add the meat, season with salt and pepper and cook through, about 5 minutes. Stir in the walnuts, cranberries and quinoa; season with salt and pepper.

Remove the squash from the oven and, using a spatula, carefully transfer each half to a plate. Pour out any excess liquid from the centers. Divide the quinoa mixture among the squash.

Mediterranean Stuffed Squash (adapted from Alton Brown)
(We went to dinner at our dear friends’ Kelly and Eman’s this weekend and they made this delicious meal. It was funny because one of Jared’s any my favorite dishes is the Quinoa Stuffed Squash above; this rivaled that recipe so we are excited to add another one to our repertoire.)

4 small acorn squash, 1 to 1 1/4 pounds each
1/2 pound organic chicken
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/3 cup chopped onion
2 garlic cloves
1/3 cup chopped mushrooms
1/3 cup chopped zuchinni
1/3 cup squash
1 teaspoon Whole Foods Mediterranean seasoning
1/2 cup white wine
1/2 cup toasted pine nuts
1 1/2 teaspoons dried oregano
Generous pinch kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper

Directions:

I have been thinking a lot this holiday season about how to keep focused on the real purpose of Christmas: Jesus. I can so easily get caught up in the Christmas shopping, parties, decorating, and cards that I forget to stop and reflect on why I am celebrating this holiday in the first place. So that being said, I have been looking for books and articles to help my mind refocus on the true meaning of Christmas. A few days ago, I picked up a book, Christmas Jars by Jason F. Wright, that was sitting on our bookshelf. I have no idea where it came from (If you gave it to me, thanks!) but it looked like a great short read with an inspirational message. That proved to be true; I read it in one day! I actually couldn’t put it down. It is a wonderful fictional story about a woman who is a reporter and is trying to investigate the origin behind jars given out on Christmas Eve to people in need. I won’t ruin the story for you because it really is a delightful read but here is an excerpt of an article the reporter wrote in the newspaper that encompasses a bit of the message.

“…During that shuffling in and out of my apartment that memorable night, an anonymous angel left a jar filled with coins and a few 20-dollar bills. On it was inscribed: “The Christmas Jar.” I found no name and no explanation…Over the ensuing days I became obsessed with knowing who had been so kind to me and why…

Though I cannot know how many have been similarly affected by the Christmas Jar tradition, I sense the number is impressive. I suspect many of you today will take jars you’ve kept tucked away in your homes and deliver them to someone in need. Those needs will vary from social to emotional and of course, to financial.

The decision about whom to bless will be made in private ways and in private places. Some will gather around kitchen tables later this morning; others will kneel in prayer on soft living room rugs. Some will not decide until the car seemingly stops itself beside some lonely wanderer.

In the days that come, neither givers nor receivers will discuss their experiences beyond the walls of their homes. But by the week’s end, and without much fanfare, someone will wash a new jar, cleaning it until it sparkles and reflects his or her kind countenance. Then with caring hands this person will wipe it dry and place it in its familiar spot.

That night, one by one, family members will empty their pockets and delight at the clink of change hitting the empty glass bottom. Most days will yield a quarter, a dime, perhaps two nickels and a stray penny…

Over the months that follow, the gathering change will leave no recognizable void. Occasionally the temptation to borrow for laundry, a movie, or the ice-cream truck will float through the house, over the jar, and out the back door. But it never lands.  The money is spoken for.

Over the course of twelve months these jars will fill slowly but with purpose. Every day, if only for an instant, the benefactor will consider Christmas. For most, including this reporter, there will be a sweet daily reminder of what this day we call Christmas means. Most will pause, if only for an instant, to consider the miracle of a perfect boy born in a manger under the brilliant star that predicted it all” (pgs 103-105).

May we pause and listen beyond the hustle and bustle for the ways that God is prompting us to give back to others this Christmas season.

When Jared broke up with me in February of my senior year in college, I was stunned. Stunned because I didn’t see it coming. Stunned because my heart had fallen head over heels for him. Stunned because I had already pictured a magical future together. But mostly stunned because I had felt very firmly in my heart that Jared was the man I was to marry. I remember when I called my mom after one of our dates and told her, “Mom, I think he’s the one.” She could hear the excitement in my voice as I gushed about the details.

And then our relationship was over.

As the news finally sunk in that Jared was moving to the big city of Chicago unattached, footless, and fancy, I spent the rest of my senior year picking up the pieces and sorting out my disappointment with God.

My prayers went a lot like this: God, I trust you. I know You know what’s best. But I’m so confused. It seemed like everything was pointing to Jared being the one for me. How could it end this way?

During that broken-hearted season, I learned a lot about being honest with God. Each time I vulnerably opened up to Him, He met me in my raw moments. My mom encouraged me to look at these encouraging times as “God-cidences”—times that could be classified as coincidences but instead viewing them through the lens of God showing up in small and big ways in my life. As I opened my eyes to these experiences, I noticed days when the sun sparkled in the sky, timely conversations with my college roommates, freshly baked cookies from the dining hall and on and on. It was as if God was breathing love into the little events of life to remind me that He was right there with me and would provide for my every need. Slowly, as the days turned into months, my heart began to heal. But it was not without much soul-searching and praying.

You know the rest of the story. (Or if you don’t, it’s written in the My Story section of this blog!) God brought Jared back into my life and we now have been married for almost four years. But there was a FIVE (!!) year gap between when we first dated to when we went out for our “second” first date.

I have often reflected on God’s hand in Jared’s and my relationship. From the first day we met, I felt a tug in my heart toward Jared and had a strange confidence that he was the one for me. But it took five years before I would see my dream become a reality. If you would have told me two years after we broke up that in three more years Jared would come waltzing back into my life and marry me, I think I would have laughed and responded, “Not a chance.” But God had His hand on our relationship from the first day we met. He didn’t fall asleep during the five-year-hiatus, but was in the process of weaving our lives back together in His perfect timing. How I love that God works behind the scenes in our lives.

I think I wrote Jared’s and my story with the sole purpose of encouraging my soul today. Sometimes when faced with a disappointment, the best thing for me to do is recall how God has faithfully worked for my good in the past to remind me He will continue to faithfully work for my good in the future as well.

I’ve had a bit of discouraging week where some plans I thought were working out dissolved into thin air. I’ve spent the last few days being real with my emotions, a necessary step in the process of working through disappointments, I believe. After brushing myself off from my little face plant, I’ve thought back to the broken-hearted-episode ten years ago and what God has taught me since. I’ve been reminding myself this week that though I can’t see His hand and though I don’t understand what He’s up to, God is still working in my life, just like He was doing behind the scenes in my relationship with Jared many years ago. I am clinging onto four major truths of my faith as I wait and trust.

• God loves me.

Truly. Deeply. Even when it doesn’t feel like it. David Crowder’s song “How He Loves Us” began replaying in my head this weekend as I processed the week’s discouraging events. There is something powerful about hearing, “He loves us, oh how He loves us” over and over. As I was thinking about the lyrics, I felt transported back to another time when the song reminded me of truth.

Two years ago I drove down to the hospital for a follow-up appointment after my initial surgery when they removed my ovary. My heart was filled with fear as I waited to find out if the mass on my ovary was cancerous. I cried out to God to comfort my shaking heart, and soon after “How He Loves Us” came on the radio. I sang at the top of my lungs declaring the truth that God loved me no matter the outcome of my pathology reports. Since then, this song has become very personal to me because God has reminded me over and over that even when life doesn’t pan out like I hope, God deeply loves me. Not just on the good days when all feels right with the world. But on the hardest days when I don’t exactly feel much love from God.

• “Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.” Psalm 36:5
• “But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” Psalm 86:15
• “Put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with Him is full redemption.” Psalm 130:7
• “The LORD disciplines those He loves, as a father the son he delights in.” Proverbs 3:12
• “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38, 39

• God is good.

I remember the first time I learned this lesson by heart was after Jared broke up with me. It was my first major time to wrestle with the age-old question, “If God is a good God, why would He allow this to happen?” In the last few years, He has continually reminded me of His good character, especially after my cancer diagnosis. I learned that even when life hurts and confuses me, God was still good and still had good in mind for me. Though I would never have chosen to walk through cancer, God has brought much good from my trial: restored relationships, a renewed purpose, a healthier lifestyle, and so much more. When I focus my attention on God’s good character when life feels out of control, I experience an unquenchable peace that no circumstance can steal. I have been reminding myself this week that being good is part of who God is and though my circumstances may not feel good, God is working them for my benefit in the way only He can. Sometimes it just takes a little time before we can see what He’s up to.

• “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.” Psalm 136:1
• “Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—how good God is. Blessed are you who run to Him.” Psalm 34:8, New Living Translation
• “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.”
• “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him who have been called according to His purpose…what then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but have Him up for us all—how will He not, along with Him, graciously give us all things?” Romans 8:28, 31, 32
• “Joseph said to [his brothers], ‘You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.’” Genesis 50:20

• God is fully in control.

When life doesn’t make much sense, it’s encouraging to me to know that God hasn’t fallen asleep on the job but is totally aware and sovereign in all of His ways. I am studying Beth Moore’s Believing God right now and one of the points she makes is that we must believe God is who He says He is and can do what He says He can do. I am learning that truly believing God is who He says He is requires me to surrender myself to Him and allow Him to take the captain seat and do what He does best.

• “I lift my eyes up to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber.” Psalm 121:1-3
• “Sovereign Lord, my strong deliverer, you shield my head in the day of battle.” Psalm 140:7
• “Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.” Jeremiah 32:17

• I must trust God.

As I reflect on the three truths highlighted above, I can’t help but realize what my response must be as a result: place my trust in the Lord. After working through the disappointing events of the week, Jared read an inspiring verse to me that has always been one of my favorites:

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8

I may not understand what God is doing, but my job is to trust Him and keep my confidence in Him as opposed to my circumstances. I wrote this verse down on a post-it note in our kitchen and have been thinking about it all weekend. My prayer is that I keep my confidence firmly focused on God instead of my feelings or my circumstances. And I pray that for you too!

• “Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord Himself, is the Rock eternal.” Isaiah 26:4

I am choosing to trust God is working behind the scenes in my life and am resting in these truths until the picture becomes clearer. Thankfully, God has proven to show up in the past. Even if it’s taken five years.

THANKFUL THURSDAY: Thankful for fabulous grandparents on both sides!

I am so thankful for the example that my wonderful grandparents have set for me (and my family). Some of my most cherished memories revolve around them. I am so thankful for the role they have played in my life.

***

My maternal grandparents have a tradition that they have practiced for each of their 60 wedding anniversaries: enjoying an ice cream sundae together! I am so thankful for the example they have set for me, my brothers, and my cousins of a committed, steadfast marriage. My sweet grandma has made a quilt for each of her grandchildren for their wedding gift. I will forever cherish this quilt — her labor of love for me for my wedding day!

My grandparents introduced my extended family to Fripp Island, SC when I was a baby and we spent most spring breaks growing up making memories there. It seemed only fitting that Jared and I would get married at the place that held so many special memories. It was so meaningful to share the amazing day with my grandparents –who started the tradition!

Proud Grandma with her great-grandchild, Annie.

I am so thankful to have experienced so many seasons of life with my grandparents. They have been very much a part of my life – through the ups and downs. So grateful!

I am pretty sure that the bag in my mom’s hand was a great buy found by my grandma! Some of my favorite memories consist of shopping trips where she has taught me the art of finding a bargain. And please notice the deck we are standing on; my grandpa built that himself (along with their house), and if we ever wondered where he was, our first place to look would be sitting outside watching the birds. He is a wildlife lover and my cousins and brothers would attest to knowing much about birds because of the knowledge he’s shared with us.

My paternal grandma and I have shared some special memories as well. I will never forget that she celebrated my 30th birthday with me in Chicago.

I had the opportunity to join my grandma in a visit to her sister in Milwaukee. It was so fun to join her and learn more about her life.

My grandma raised four strong boys and did so alone for a large part of their childhood when my grandpa passed away. To say that she has a determination and strength is an understatement. I am so grateful for her example that she has set of a tenacity and courage to endure such hardships.

One of my favorite memories of my grandma was when she would drive to Ivanhoe’s, an ice cream joint near my college, and meet me for a treat. I learned much about her childhood and early marriage days which I will always treasure.

Proud Grandma with her great-granddaughter on a recent trip to Nashville.

***

Thank you, Grandma and Grandpa Goodson and Grandma Hansen, for living lives that make us so proud to be your grandchildren. May we follow in many of the steps that you have walked before us!

I mentioned that I have been studying the Bible study, Believing God by Beth Moore. I thought today for the Wednesday Wisdom Well I would share some of my favorite excerpts on the subject of faith:

**”Our glorious faith walk began with an act of faith that brought us into relationship with Jesus Christ as our Savior, but it doesn’t end there! Having believed in Him, we are called to continue believing all He came to do and say! Tragically, some who have believed in Christ have believed little of Him since. He who began a work in us wants to accomplish far more. God is calling us to leave the passive life bred by a past-tense view of faith and participate in present-active-participle believing! ["When you see a present active participle Greek verb, you can think of the word continually preceding the verb."] …God exerts incomparable power in the lives of those who continue believing Him. Nothing on earth compares to the strength God willingly interjects into the lives caught in the act of believing…Scripture is stacked with truths and promises we are invited to personally apply and believe God to fulfill in our lives. The Bible bulges with opportunities to be caught in the act of believing God.” (pages 10-11)

**”Our call to prioritize God and our faith in Him through Jesus Christ is reciprocated in stunning ways certainly not owed to us…God has already promised that when we seek Him, we will find Him. Is that not enough? Do we need rewards as well? And yet He promises! (Hebrews 11:6)…God’s pleasure is the end. Our faith is the means. You and I are invited to believe God. The eye-opening news may be that we can also believe Him for a reward, as long as the desire for reward doesn’t exceed our desire for Him personally. Sooner or later, Dear One, your God-seeking faith will be rewarded. You will never outspend God.” (page 15)

**”Though God makes countless merciful expectations, He still reserves the right to supernaturally respond most readily to faith. Remember what we’ve learned: faith fills the gap between our theology and our reality. Much of the body of Christ is paralyzed by unbelief. Our unbelief has likely ushered us into a frustrating, disabling cycle: we believe little, so we see little, so we continue to believe little and see little…God is not offended by our requests for supernatural intervention. On the contrary, God is pleased when we exercise faith. God is offended when our desire for signs and wonders eclipses our desire for Him or becomes a request for God to prove Himself.” (page 49)

**Dear One, we can’t let our fear that God may not affirmatively answer our every prayer keep us from praying! No, we’re not likely to get everything we ask. You will be hard pressed to find anyone in Scripture who did. Including Christ. Check out the garden of Gethsemane. What if these men of God hasn’t asked anything because they couldn’t have everything? Can you imagine the loss? As we pray fervently and faithfully, we will experience many astounding and affirmative answers. Pray on, Beloved!” (page 67)

**”Few of us will escape a painful opportunity to be offended with Christ. I have little doubt it is part of the believer’s life test…At times we’ll be tempted to think, If Christ is who He says He is and can do what He says He can do, and I am His beloved, why isn’t He coming through for me? Is it our insignificance? Is He too busy to notice? Or is the situation simply not critical to the overall plan? Are we or is our loved one simply dispensable? Blessed are we when we could be offended and choose with every shred of tattered faith not to be...Will we not ask because we are afraid of being offended? Embarrassed? Disappointed? Or will we ask, knowing that He is able but trusting that He is good if He doesn’t act? Blessed are we if we are not offended with Jesus.” (page 70)

May we believe God is who He says He is and can do what He says He can do!

THANKFUL THURSDAY

I have been so inspired by many of my friends’  facebook posts each day that I decided to dedicate a post each week in November to this reason as well. Gratefulness goes right along with what God has been teaching me recently — spending time being thankful instead of complaining. So here is Thankful Thursday #1

I am thankful to be an aunt to three incredibly sweet, beautiful nieces and one cute, new nephew!

It was a joy to have Abby and Lauren be our flower girls at our wedding. (Pictured is the Wedding Rehearsal – notice their cute shirts!)

I loved going to American Girl at the AG cafe in Chicago with Abby.

I love how grown-up Abby is getting and her thoughtful, creative mind.

I also enjoyed eating lunch with Lauren at the  American Girl Cafe too.

I love that these girls indulge me in girlie activities like painting nails.

I love how Lauren has such a spunk and zeal for life.

I love how the girls enjoy playing so imaginatively like hair salon!

We love watching these girls grow up and wish we lived closer.

I loved going to a dairy farm with the girls and watching their excitement in the little things.

One of my all-time favorite moments: being at the hospital when Annie was born 3 weeks early!

I loved holding this sleeping baby in the sunflower field just weeks after she was born.

I am so thankful I was able to celebrate Annie at her first birthday party.

I was so happy when Annie (and her parents) came to Chicago last summer. I had missed her since I didn’t see her while going through chemo.

I loved having time to read to Annie while visiting  and only wish I could do so more often!

I love how Annie calls me “Aunt Shewll.”

I love her fiery, sweet personality!

I was so grateful to meet James a couple of weeks after he was born.

I could look at this cute face all day!

Thank you, Abby, Lauren, Annie, and James for allowing me to be your aunt! I love you to pieces!