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Michelle Warner

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Five Years Ago Today

Posted on November 10th, 2014

I took Jared to the airport on Saturday morning at 3:30am. Although I am far from a morning person, it was actually really nice to have some space and time to think and reflect all to myself in a quiet car. (Olivia was fast asleep at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.) As I drove and listened to good music, my heart became really full as I reflected on how gracious and faithful God has been in my life.

It started with thinking about how Jared was flying down to Orlando to golf with his brother and dad, something he did eight years ago that allowed us to reconnect while I was living in Florida. I would have never thought that after five years of being apart, God would bring us back together in His perfect timing and give me my deepest heart’s desire.

And then as I drove the stretch of highway on the way home to my house, I reflected on the fact that I had driven that road back and forth visiting two boyfriends at different seasons of my life. And while they were both great guys, I was so grateful that God led me to Jared, God’s perfect match for me. Though those years of dating felt quite long and excruciating at times, God taught me so much about myself. I wouldn’t be who I am today without the wait.

My mind stayed in reflective mode and I smiled thinking how I would have never guessed as I drove that road all those years ago that one day I would live off of that highway with my husband, daughter and almost-born daughter. It would have been something I would have only dreamed of during those seasons. And yet, look at how gracious and faithful the Lord has been to me to give me such gifts.

And then all of those thoughts led me to realizing that I was coming upon a very momentous anniversary in my life. Five years ago today, I went into (what we thought was) a routine surgery to remove an ovarian cyst but the results of that surgery altered my life forever. A cancer diagnosis. Another surgery. Chemo. Loss of my hair and possibly my fertility. Fear of what-ifs.

And yet here I am, five years later and my cup runneth over with a rambunctious two-year-old and a baby on the way. And a stronger marriage. And a deeper faith.  And a more grace-filled perspective on life. And a clean bill of health for five whole years.

If you’ve followed this blog for a while, you know that music speaks to my heart during times like these and I’ve had several songs floating around in my mind the last several days. One has been one of Jared’s and my favorite’s right now: Big Daddy Weave’s Overwhelmed. And one has been the song I heard the day before my surgery when I was feeling anxious about the what-ifs: That’s What Faith Can Do by Kutless.  But as I type right now the song on my mind is the one that one of my best friend’s sang at our wedding: How Could I Ask For More? By Cindy Morgan.

I wish I could stay in this reflective moment, but Olivia has now bounded into the room and the sound of an excited little girl has disrupted my thoughts. But I wouldn’t want it any other way.

With a grateful heart, praising God for His faithful hand on my life these last five years, I sign off for now. Thank you, Lord. How could I ask for more?

***

How Could I Ask For More?

There’s nothing like the warmth of a summer afternoon
Waking to the sunlight, being cradled by the moon
Catching fireflies at night, building castles in the sand
Kissing mama’s face goodnight and holding daddy’s hand
Thank you, Lord, how could I ask for more?

Running barefoot through the grass, a little hide and go seek
Being so in love that you can hardly eat
Dancing in the dark when there’s no one else around
Being bundled ‘neath the covers, watching snow fall to the ground
Thank you, Lord, how could I ask for more?

So many things I thought would bring me happiness
Some dreams that are realities today
Such an irony the things that mean the most to me
Are the memories that I’ve made along the way

So if there’s anything I’ve learned from this journey I am on
Simple truths will keep you going, simple love will keep you strong
‘Cause there are questions without answers and flames that never die
And heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise
So thank you, Lord, oh thank you, Lord
And yeah, how could I ask for more?

 

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