Letting My Hair Down. Literally.
As the warm water pounded on my back in the shower yesterday afternoon, I ran my hands through my hair. Multiple strands laced each finger and the water chased them to the drain below. I stood there staring blankly at the frosted shower glass realizing my new reality in my chemo journey: my hair was falling out.
Tears welled in my eyes as I watched the hair fall. As with each new stage, my first inclination is to feel overwhelmed. I prayed, “God, would you give me some truth right now to comfort my heart?”
After a couple of quiet moments, two verses popped into my head:
“And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows [to God]” (Matthew 10:30).
“…Every detail of your body and soul—even the hairs of your head!—is in My care” (Luke 21:18).
I allowed the tears to slip down my cheeks as I soaked in the truth. God knows how many hairs covered my head, and He also knows how many would fall out this week. And most importantly, what that means to me is that He is and continues to be intimately involved in my life. Down to the very last detail.
This brought to mind a special passage to me, Psalm 139, and I turned to see how it related to my current situation. Verses 13 and 14 in The Message version spoke especially to me:
“You know me inside and out, You know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, You watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before You; The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.”
Next to these verses in my Bible I had written a note from a past sermon: “God is there in every period of life.” No wonder one of His names is Immanuel, “God with us.”
I don’t mean to sound trite, but sometimes that’s all I need to know: God is here. He’s holding me close as the tears and hair strands fall. He’s walking me through the mountains and valleys of this journey, just like He’s walking right next to you through yours.
“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go…I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you” (God to Jacob in a dream, Genesis 28:15).
In my post “Finding Freedom from Fears,” I shared the first part of my cancer story focusing specifically on my diagnosis. As promised, I will share the second half of my story later this week. That entry will also include an update on my health and treatment which many of you have requested. I can’t thank each of you enough for your continued encouragement and I look forward to sharing more of my story. Stay tuned!